I hang around in a lot of the online photography forums and often find myself wanting to say things that would be considered inflammatory or just in bad taste. This is a short list of some of the things I ask my monitor when I see “those” shots.

1. Cool job on the HDR, let me guess, are you a fan of Harry Potter??
2. Cool shot, which program did you use to over-sharpen, over-whiten, over brighten the eyes and make the skin looks just like plastic? You do know you aren’t shooting for Vogue right?
3. Nice face retouch, is that the first preset in Portrait Pro 2019?
4. Cool shot, I like how you placed the model on the train tracks and risked her safety and yours for your cliché’ image.
5. Cool shot I like how you placed the model in the middle of the road and risked her safety and yours for your cliché’ shot.
6. Do you even calibrate your monitor? Maybe don’t edit your photos with a green light on next to you.
7. Have you heard of sharpening? Your image is softer than a babies blanket.
8. Good shot, but you missed focus on the eyes – but those boobs are tack sharp man.
9. Selective color! I haven’t seen that before is it a new technique? I like how you made everything black and white but the model’s shirt.
10. That bokeh in the background looks so smooth and natural, by the way, maybe take more time selecting your subject before you blur the background next time.

Bonus: Your use of puppet warp to make the model skinny is amazing, you can hardly see where the wall is bowed toward her.

There you go. I’m sure there are a million more. Feel free to drop them to me in a message and I will happily add them to my list for the next “things you can’t say article”.

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My photography: http://www.tahquechi.com

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u want to say when critiquing a photo but cant.